The Girl Who Bit Me by Valerie Hunter Review

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Not every book on our list of spicy sapphic fantasy books wants to make you laugh out loud between the steamy scenes — but The Girl Who Bit Me absolutely does. Valerie Hunter’s debut is a gleefully chaotic vampire romance that pairs genuinely high heat with the kind of comedic timing you don’t usually get in immortal-broody-vampire territory. It became a sapphic BookTok favorite for a reason.

If you like your fanged romance a little more playful than the gothic ache of A Dowry of Blood, this one is your antidote — same vampire bite, wildly different mood.

What Is The Girl Who Bit Me About?

Aster Castelmar and Sylvia Maroven are ancient vampires who have been inseparable for centuries — and also completely, hilariously broke. Their solution? A get-rich-quick scheme to enthrall a billionaire and finally solve their money problems for good. The plan is chaotic, the execution is messier, and somewhere in the middle of all the scheming, the two of them are forced to confront the enormous, centuries-old feelings they’ve been pretending not to have for each other. It’s a heist, a comedy, and a slow-burn love story all at once.

What Makes This Vampire Romance Work

It’s actually funny. The humor is the engine here — Aster and Sylvia’s banter is quick, absurd, and character-revealing, so the comedy never feels bolted on.

Centuries of yearning. These two have been circling each other for a very long time, and Hunter mines that history for maximum “just kiss already” tension.

High heat that earns its place. When the spice arrives, it’s explicit and plentiful — but it lands harder because of all the emotional buildup that came before it.

A fresh spin on vampire tropes. Instead of tortured aristocrats brooding in castles, you get broke immortals running a con. It’s a delight.

Book Synopsis

Aster and Sylvia have survived centuries together, but modern life is expensive and immortality doesn’t pay the rent. Desperate and perpetually short on cash, the pair hatch a plan to enthrall a wealthy target and bankroll their eternity in style.

The scheme throws them into forced proximity, high-stakes improvisation, and one disaster after another — all while the tension that has simmered between them for lifetimes threatens to finally boil over. Every step of the con pushes them closer, and every close call makes the feelings they’ve buried harder to ignore.

What starts as a money grab becomes a reckoning with what they actually mean to each other, and whether an eternity spent side by side was ever really about survival at all. It’s the first book in a series, with the story continuing in She’s My Eternity.

My Review

I picked this up expecting a fun palate cleanser and got completely swept up instead. The best thing I can say about The Girl Who Bit Me is that it’s genuinely funny — not “quirky book-blurb funny,” but actually laugh-in-public funny — while still delivering an emotional core that sneaks up on you. Aster and Sylvia’s dynamic is the whole show, and Hunter absolutely nails it.

The yearning is off the charts. These two have loved each other for centuries and spent all of it in denial, so every near-miss and pointed comment carries the weight of lifetimes. When the romance finally tips over into open-door territory, the spice is well and truly high — explicit and frequent — and it feels like a release valve for all that buildup rather than filler.

Fair warning: the plot is chaotic and fast, and it leans more madcap-comedy than serious vampire lore. If you want brooding, atmospheric worldbuilding, this isn’t that — and a few readers found the breakneck pacing a little dizzying. For me, the messy energy was the point. It’s a joyful, horny, big-hearted read that left me immediately reaching for the sequel. An easy 4.5 stars.

Tropes & Themes at a Glance

How Spicy Is The Girl Who Bit Me?

Heat rating: 🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️ High Spice. This one sits comfortably at the top of the scale — readers routinely describe the steam as explicit and plentiful. The intimate scenes are frequent, detailed, and enthusiastically written, with plenty of vampire-specific heat (yes, the biting factors in). Because so much of the book is built on centuries of pent-up longing, the payoff runs hot. If you want your sapphic vampire romance genuinely steamy rather than fade-to-black, this delivers in full.

Who Should Read This Book?

You’ll likely love it if: you want a funny, fast, high-heat sapphic vampire romance, you’re a sucker for friends-to-lovers and centuries of yearning, and you like your immortals chaotic rather than broody.

You may want to skip it if: you prefer serious, atmospheric vampire lore, you find rapid-fire chaotic pacing exhausting, or you want a lower-heat, closed-door read.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can The Girl Who Bit Me be read as a standalone?

The central romance resolves satisfyingly, but it’s the first book in a series that continues with She’s My Eternity, so you’ll probably want more once you finish.

Is it a true sapphic romance?

Yes. The love story between Aster and Sylvia is unmistakably F/F and central to the entire book — it’s a sapphic vampire romance through and through.

How steamy is it really?

Very. It’s a high-heat, open-door read — the explicit scenes are frequent and detailed, so expect genuine spice rather than a slow fade.

Is it funny or is it dark?

Funny. This is a comedic, chaotic take on vampire romance — there’s emotional depth underneath, but the overall tone is playful and light rather than gothic and grim.

Is the pacing fast?

Very fast and a little chaotic by design. The plot barrels along, which most readers love and a few find dizzying — go in expecting madcap energy.

If You Loved The Girl Who Bit Me, Read These Next

Craving more fanged sapphic romance? Browse the full spicy sapphic fantasy book list for your next bite. For a darker, more gothic vampire love story, try A Dowry of Blood; if it’s the tender-but-spicy vampire dynamic you’re after, Afterglow delivers slow-burn heat with a Black vampire domme; and for morally grey sapphic fantasy, don’t miss Malice.

And if you are looking past vampires entirely, our ultimate list of the best lesbian romance books collects twenty sapphic reads across slow burn, enemies to lovers, historical and contemporary.

The Bottom Line

The Girl Who Bit Me is proof that vampire romance doesn’t have to be all brooding and bloodshed — it can be funny, filthy, and full of heart at the same time. With razor-sharp banter, centuries of yearning, and steam that more than earns its four chilies, it’s one of the most purely fun sapphic reads of the year. A joyful 4.5 stars. Check the latest price on Amazon →

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